I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
