I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
