Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
We talked him into tasing himself.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
