so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
