I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
