im six kinds of drunk right now
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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