i jhust puked up my retainher.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
