Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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