I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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