R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
