forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
