why didn't you poke me back
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
You smell like a Billy Joel song
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
ugly people sure do ruin things
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
party gras won. party gras always wins.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
