marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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