I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
