i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Randomize
