How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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