Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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