Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
This baby is an asshole
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
