white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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