i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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