I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
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