Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize