My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
