you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
