so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
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