Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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