just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
