Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
He shit in the fireplace
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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