Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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