so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
