forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Randomize
