I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
