college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize