I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
