when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Randomize
