were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize