woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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