woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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