I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
