i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
The air taste purple.
Randomize