she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
