Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
You're like the curious george of whores
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
