Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize
