when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
