I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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