first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
