My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Randomize
