I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Randomize
