I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
