And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
