I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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