i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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