Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Just pee around me
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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