Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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