She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize