I heard we made out
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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