I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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