i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
