So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
