i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
