Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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