So drunk, too bad you don't want this
He felt like a one man threesome
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
