Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
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