he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Randomize
