Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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