Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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