out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Of course I have a pirate flag
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
