Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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