this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
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