this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
