maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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