he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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