Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
