My hand turned me down
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Randomize