her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
