Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Randomize
