so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Why is your signature on my underwear?
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
