I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Randomize
