Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Randomize