You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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