My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Randomize
